*This post was originally written back in October 2018, one month after our son was born. I shared it on my other blog at that time but recently decided that in the interest of diversifying this blog a little bit, I would share it here as well. Our sweet Asher boy is now a year old. Another thing, as you read this, please kindly keep in mind that I was just 1 month post-partum, and we all know those whacky hormones can make us emotional and kind of crazy. So if anything I’ve written seems overly dramatic, (which is undoubtedly true), chalk it up to the raging hormones and newborn haze.

How Our Lives Changed After Our Second Baby Was Born

It’s been a whole month with our sweet boy earthside, and of course, we can’t imagine our life without him now that he is here. Things are very different around here, which was to be expected. Going from one to two kids is a big adjustment, and more so if your first child is a little bit older. It’s been a while since we had a baby in the house, and even though Harper is extremely independent and can do almost everything for herself, she is only five years old so she still requires some of my time and attention during the day. It’s been hard to figure out how to make time for everyone and everything I need to, and while I’m still trying to figure it out, I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts and suggestions on how to adjust to life as a mom of two.

If it’s been a few years since you’ve had a newborn around, try to focus and remember how time-consuming they really are.

It’s easy to forget because moms seem to have selective amnesia when it comes to the newborn days. We are sleep deprived, hungry (or hangry if you’re like me), and our hormones are all kinds of crazy- none of which lends itself to remembering what life is like with a newborn. Having a newborn and an older child is different than just having a single newborn baby.

Newborns need you practically 24/7, but when you have other children, that’s just not possible. Sorry, second kid.

Before Asher was born, I used to wonder how I could possibly divide my love into two. Now I question how I will divide my attention and time in two.

When Harper was an infant, not only was she my only child, but she was a very easygoing baby. She didn’t need me to hold her constantly, she didn’t cry a lot, and besides a few ear infections, she had no health issues or special needs. She slept really well, also. The hardest part of my postpartum with her was the agonizing mastitis I kept getting from trying (and failing) to breastfeed. You can read all about that awful journey over on this post.

Asher, on the other hand… is a totally different baby. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good baby and he doesn’t have any health issues or special needs. He is just extremely attached to me, and he’s fussier than Harper ever was. Since birth, he has been the most content in my arms. I’m not complaining, because one of these days I’m going to blink my eyes and he will be a teenager and want nothing to do with me.

But, it has been a huge adjustment because I’m used to being able to freely work and do what I need to do around the house while Harper plays or entertains herself for a few hours.

It’s harder than I anticipated to take care of two kids, two dogs, a house and a business- but it’s only temporary, so I’m just winging it and taking it day by day. Figuring out what works and doesn’t and how to manage my time better so that I can get the most accomplished in the short amount of time I have every day without a baby in my arms.

For the past month, I’ve really done minimal work. I was back to doing design projects the week after I had him, but just a few small jobs for two clients. I’ve blogged once in the last month, and it took me two weeks just to write his birth story. I planned to spend at least 6 weeks not working at all, and focusing on my recovery and rest. But, as it turned out, I had an extremely easy labor and delivery and I haven’t required much recovery time at all. I was feeling almost totally normal just a few days after I had him, surprisingly.

Harper has been such a huge help in this adjustment period, and I know she will continue to be as her brother grows older.

My parenting style summed up into one sentence: ‘Watch your brother while I take a shower and don’t call for me unless someone is bleeding!’

A few things that have made my life easier: cleansing face wipes, dry shampoo, loads of coffee, and red wine.

If you work from home or are a stay at home mom, it can be a challenge to find the right balance with two kids.

It is even more of a challenge if you work outside your home, and I know that all too well. Each set of circumstances comes with their own unique challenges and we can’t discount anyone else’s experiences.

I’m still figuring out my balance. I certainly don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t think I ever will. But I am two for two so far with keeping my kids safe and healthy, so I’ll consider that a win.

I think the most important thing is to remind yourself that even when it feels like its impossible, you’ll find a way to get it all done. And even if all you manage to accomplish that day is feeding your kids and keeping them alive, then so be it. Just be patient (it’s really hard, I know) with yourself and your family, and remind yourself that even though it’s a huge adjustment it is only temporary.

The newborn days are so hard and so beautiful all at the same time. They’re also incredibly fleeting.

You’ll feel like you’re not even a person sometimes like you’re just a baby feeding machine who is covered in spit-up and sweat. But then you’ll close your eyes for a second and your kids will be grown up.

There is nothing in the world like meeting your baby for the first time. It’s like looking at a face you’ve never seen before but have always known.

Just try to be as easy as possible on yourself, and remember to memorize every moment with your babies that you can. Study their faces, their hands, and feet. Memorize the way they smell. The smell of your baby is one you will never forget. Don’t look at your phone too much, and don’t worry too much about things that don’t matter.

Once your babies grow up, there’s no getting them back. So take it all in, mama. As much as you possibly can before it’s gone.

XO, M

mamas mom life motherhood parenting second child stay at home mom working mom